Resume or Epitaph?

I’ve written a resume a time or two in my life.  A bunch, actually.  I find them fairly easy to write. 

 

A resume is a chronological listing of things done in one’s life.  Not everything, just those things that would be pertinent for the position and the job one seeks.  However, a resume tells only a part of the story, only those things that are important to obtain the job. 

 

There is much left out of a resume.  There is nothing about what movies you like to watch or with whom you like to watch them.  There is nothing about what books you like to read.  There is nothing about your favorite foods or beverages.  There is nothing about places you’ve been to or places you’d like to go.  Nothing about your bucket list.

 

So as much as a Resume tells about you, it is really incomplete.

 

I’ve also written an Epitaph in my life.  Only one.

 

When our son, Wil, was shot and killed a year and a month ago in Chicago, Kim and Hannah and Emily and I had to visit the funeral home with our daughter-in-law, Maria, and we had to put together a chronology of Wil’s life.  How do you do that in a paragraph or two?

 

I have to admit, it was one of the tougher things I ever had to do in my life.  I know Kim, Hannah, Emily and Maria would say the same thing.

 

There were so many stories we wanted to share about Wil.  Like the time he got completely and utterly lost on his way from Milwaukee to Fredericksburg to visit us.  Somehow, he ended up in Kentucky.  Or the time he and Maria dressed up as Ninja, went to a park after hours in order to get a kite out of a tree.  Or the time he was on a breakaway in a high school soccer game and an opposing player tried to slow him down by grabbing onto his shorts, which ended up around his knees.  Or the time in a high school track meet when he came in second, but broke a school record with a badly torn thigh muscle. 

 

Like the Resume, an Epitaph is incomplete.  Neither tell the complete story of an individual’s life.

 

And, there is a major difference between the Resume and the Epitaph. 

 

A Resume is written when one seeks something.  A Resume is written when one wants to move on, to gain something different.  An Epitaph is written when one is dead.  It is a tribute to one’s life, hopefully, well-lived.

 

In essence, a Resume seeks to move one forward, whereas an Epitaph marks one’s end.

 

I think there are times when we forget to live, to move forward, to advance.  I think there are times when we only settle for titles, and positions, and things.  We forget the greater purpose of our lives, the meaning of our lives.  We seek to gain titles and positions and things for sometimes selfish reasons.  So that upon our death, an Epitaph can be written that is a tribute to all we gained, all we’ve done, all the titles we held, so people can yell (or perhaps think) “Bravo!”

 

Do you notice that an Epitaph is written upon one’s death?  It is written in the past tense of one’s life.  A Resume, however, is written when life seeks to be lived further and is written in the present and future tense.  To me, it is important to write Resumes, to live and to keep moving forward and to live in the present.  And, if one writes a full and complete Resume – not once, but again and again – then the Epitaph will take care of itself.  Something to think about . . .

 

Live Your Life, and Make A Difference!

 

To my readers:

You will notice that I’ve written sparingly during these summer months.  I needed to recharge myself emotionally and spiritually, first and foremost.  I need to be with my family in the present as much as possible.  Lastly, I’ve been working on the third book of The Lives Trilogy, Splintered Lives, which will be out sometime this month (I think).  It is the final book of the trilogy.  Yet, for those of you who have been asking, my plan is to take a couple of my favorite characters and move them forward into different storylines, yet in the thriller/mystery fiction genre.

 

If you are interested in catching up, you can purchase the following via Amazon in ebook or paperback or by messaging me and I can send you a signed copy.  They are:

 

Taking Lives, which is the prequel to the trilogy.  Kelliher and the FBI have a string of dead bodies with no leads.  A twelve year old boy holds the key to the puzzle, but doesn’t know it.  Taking Lives can be found at: http://www.amazon.com/Taking-Lives-Joseph-Lewis-ebook/dp/B00MG2JAWE/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1407974964&sr=8-1&keywords=Taking+Lives%2C+Joseph+Lewis  

 

Stolen Lives, Book One of the Lives Trilogy.  Two 13 year old boys are abducted off a safe suburban street. Kelliher knows he has to find them within the first 24 hours or they’ll end up like all the others: dead! Can he find them before they disappear forever? Without any leads? With a leak in the FBI, and possibly on his own team?

Stolen Lives can be found at: http://www.amazon.com/Stolen-Lives-Trilogy-Book-ebook/dp/B00PKKN6W4/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1415908221&sr=1-1&keywords=Stolen+Lives%2C+Joseph+Lewis

 

Shattered Lives, Book Two of the Lives Trilogy. The boys were freed from captivity. The hospital staff, the FBI and even their parents thought the boys were now safe, and they were, until people began dying. Six dangerous men escaped and the FBI has only a slight idea of who they are, but no clue and no leads as to where they are, so they can only wait, which is a deadly game when it comes to the lives of children.

Shattered Lives can be found at http://www.amazon.com/Shattered-Lives-Trilogy-Book-ebook/dp/B00UZRP828/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1427118727&sr=1-1&keywords=Shattered+Lives%2C+Joseph+Lewis       

 

Almost A Year

I have to admit I’ve been dragging my feet writing this. 

It hasn’t been for lack of interest.  It wasn’t necessarily because of a lack of time, though the end of a school year is always busy and hectic. I think mostly it was a matter of finding the right words and the right combination of words to use to adequately express what I feel I need to say.

You see, as I write this, four days from now on July 12, it will be one year since my son was shot and killed.  As I sit and write this, in four days, it will be one year since we received that phone call, and in four days, it will be one year since my life, and the lives of my wife, Kim, and my daughters, Hannah and Emily, and my daughter-in-law, Maria, were so drastically changed. 

Almost A Year.

I think back on everything that had occurred since that phone call and it still seems like it was yesterday, and yet, parts of it feel like it never happened at all.  There are parts of last summer that I can’t even recall.  There are parts of this past year that I can’t even recall.  It’s like being under water and looking upwards.  Blurry at best.

Kim and I still talk about that phone call when we received the news. 

I can’t actually remember what was said to me other than that Wil was shot and killed as he walked down a Chicago street.  I have no recollection of what I said other than asking if the phone call was a joke.  Kim and I still talk about us not knowing how we drove from Philadelphia to Fredericksburg that night or early morning.  Neither of us can remember the trip other than stopping at a fast food restaurant for something to drink.  Neither of us can clearly remember the phone calls we made either in the car or once we arrived back home.  We can’t clearly remember who we spoke to or who we didn’t.  Neither of us can clearly remember the emails that were exchanged and with whom we exchanged them.  It’s such an odd, empty, and surreal feeling to have, and such a weird state to be in.  Again, like being under water and looking up. Blurry at best.

As a family, we talk about how we moved through each day last year trying to “carry on” with what we were “supposed” to do.  Things that were or should have been important, didn’t seem to be as much.  Not really. 

I mean, for me, I still have a building of 1900 kids and about 150 staff members to work with and lead.  I did the best I could, though I know I fell far short of what I expect of myself.  Perhaps I fell short of what others expect of me.  I don’t have any excuses other than to say that I did the best I could. 

At the same time, just like that trip from Philly to Fredericksburg, I have no idea how I made the journey from July 12, 2014 to today, Almost A Year later.  None. 

Parts of it I remember.  I recall how absolutely petrified I was to stand in front of my staff the first time after Wil’s death.  I had no idea what to expect.  I can’t even remember what took place that first day, that first meeting.  In August, all the administrators in the district have a retreat and series of workshops, and to be honest, I can’t tell you what took place.  I know I dreaded those days and like my first meeting with my staff, I was petrified to be there among them.

Almost A Year.

Zak Brown has a lyric that pretty much defines it for me: “Sometimes I feel like a clown who can’t wash off his makeup.” 

That pretty much sums it up for me.  Each morning I put one foot in front of the other and move forward.  I wear my smile because I’m supposed to, need to.  As much, I think, for me as for others, especially for Kim, and Hannah and Emily.

Everyone handles grief differently, yet in the same way.  There is profound sadness and denial.  There is anger . . . much anger.  There is the constancy of trying to find the “why” behind all of it. There is the search for “reasons” and the “purpose” behind it. 

But . . . the frustrating reality is that there is no real “why” and there is no real “reason” and to be honest, though I believe I have a strong faith, I can’t seem to find the “purpose” in Wil’s death.

The grief of the tragedy will always be there.  Always.  Some days will be better than others, while some days, like today, it’s all too real.  Suffocating, really.

But life does go on.  I have a wonderful wife who I’m lucky to call my best friend.  I have two daughters who I love dearly and who I’m so very proud of.  Life does go on.  And it should.

I can talk about Wil’s death, and I do talk about Wil’s death when asked.  I don’t necessarily volunteer much because each of us, Kim, Hannah and Emily, and I have found that discussing it with some is too uncomfortable.  So mostly, we’ve learned to keep it in, tucked away, buried except when we’re with each other: Kim, Hannah and Emily, and me.

In an early post (July 26, 2014) titled “Some Not So Final Thoughts” I wrote about three ideas that I felt needed to be conveyed.  Three ideas that each of us need to take to heart.  They are as relevant today as they were last year.  They are:

Live Your Life: your own life, each day, each moment.  Don’t waste it because time is precious and one never knows when it will be taken from us.

Make A Positive Difference: in your life and in the lives of others.  There is too much ugliness in this world already, so we don’t need to contribute to it.  Not even a little.  At times, it can be as small a gesture as a kind word or a smile.  A gentle touch.  But we need to do this each day, and often each day. And never forget that while there is ugliness in this world, there is much beauty and much to be hopeful about.  Never forget that.  So take the time to spread and be a part of a Positive Difference.

Let Those In Your Life Know You Love Them: please, please, don’t take love, or them, for granted.  You can’t.  You must not.  Each person in your life means something to you or that person wouldn’t be in your life.  Please, please, let them know how much they mean to you, why they mean something to you, and most of all, that you love them.  Because you never know when that someone will be taken from you.  Don’t put it off.  Do it now.

Each of you who take the time to read my posts, I thank you.  I hope I make a positive contribution to your life in some small way each week.  I hope my writing impacts you in some way, helps you to pause and consider.  To appreciate, sometimes to question.  Thank you for participating in this journey with me.  And I truly hope that you take the time to impact someone on their journey.  Because whether we like it or not, whether we understand it or not, we’re in this life together, for each other.  Something to think about . . .

Live Your Life, and Make A Difference!

Endings

There have been a number of Endings in my life, probably yours, too.  Some have been expected, while others take us by surprise.  The old saying, “Life happens!”

Late May and early June, teams compete in playoffs, mostly a one and done deal.  You win, you keep playing.  You lose, you go home.  The NBA playoffs are taking place and all the teams have been eliminated except for the final two: Golden State and Cleveland.  Nice to see two teams who haven’t been in the finals in a long time get there to compete.  Refreshing, actually.

At school, we’re towards the end of “testing season.”  As a teacher, you are acutely aware of what I mean.  Kids and most parents are, too.  AP tests, followed by State Mandated Tests, followed by final exams.  Oh, what fun!

And then, commencement for seniors, to mark the end of their twelve year journey, while the underclassmen wave goodbye only to return in the fall. 

Some of our brethren, our colleagues are retiring, which is a whole other Ending to consider.  They’ve put in their time, paid their dues, and are closing one chapter of their lives only to open another.  Bittersweet for them.  For us as well.  But, “Life happens!”

Ever get to the end of a book and not really want to put it down?  Ever wonder ‘what happens next?’  Ever wonder if this character or that character would have done something differently to change the outcome in some way?  A really good book stays with you, as do the characters.  I guess movies do, too, but I’ve always preferred a book.  But in our imagination, in our hearts, a good book lasts long after the Ending and resides in our heart.

Endings! 

Got me thinking . . .

I’ve always believed that there are no real Endings.  Not really. 

To me, each Ending signifies a new beginning.  Kind of like day turning to night only to turn back to day.  Summer to fall, to winter, to spring.  And even though the NBA finals, along with the Super Bowl are playing or have ended, there is and will be a new season to begin, already has begun. 

I don’t find Endings dark or morbid, because I anticipate the “what comes next?” 

Some, I suppose might see it as unsettling, while I tend to look at it with anticipation.  Maybe an Ending might cause a bit of trepidation, a little anxiety, but I’ve always been a hopeful person, a Pollyanna kind of guy.  Mostly a glass half-full guy.

I think if we choose to look at Endings as beginnings, our outlook changes.  Instead of doom and gloom, there can be, if one chooses . . . and it is a choice for us, for you and I . . . it can be exciting.  I think that attitude, that choice, ultimately impacts those around us, those in our lives, as well as ourselves.  Try seeing Endings as Beginnings.  It might change, and challenge your outlook.  It might cause you to smile.  Something to think about . . .

Live Your Life, and Make A Difference!